This blog is a collection of stories pulled from my journal compiled from 2004 and 2005. All of this stupid shit was recorded in the pages of a two year pocket calendar from a dollar store. I covered it with nuclear grade duct tape — I think it originally featured an image of a sports car. It was surreptitiously slipped into a Christmas care package which was sent to my Pearl Harbor barracks along with some stale-ass oatmeal raisin cookies. I mean, these things were like firing a sand dune into my arrogant word-hole. I ended up drowning them in milk and eating them like breakfast cereal… but I digress.
I thought, “What the fuck am I going to do with a calendar!?”
Because it was a gift from my grand-ma-ma, I couldn’t simply banish it to a trash can. I decided to tuck it in a random drawer in the hopes that one day it would become useful…
Those who have served in the United States Navy know that boredom is the mother of all invention — this case is no exception. The calendar magically appeared in my hands on watch one afternoon, so I decided to just start writing. I recorded all of the crazy stories that had been etched in my psyche up to that point. As you will see, the anecdotes range from hilarious to tragic — including all points between.
For two full years, the calendar and I traveled everywhere together. It was in my right-back pocket with my wallet at all times. I updated it frequently and it became a running log of my personal experiences.
My intent was not to be boastful. I simply wanted a way to be able to spark memories so that I could share my stories with the world. Some of the details have faded or have altered themselves over the years, but I have done my best to preserve and accurately present them.
Some notes to the reader…
First, the calendar had a space for a general quote for that particular month. Sometimes I wrote down something profound, most of the time it was utterly ridiculous. Ultimately I feel that my “Thought of the Month” was relevant to my life on the submarine at that time and I will share all of them with you.
Second, there was a section of front matter that I filled in [out of boredom] and can be found on the Personal Data page. It has no real narrative value, but it’s entertaining and indicative of my states of mind during that time of my life.
Third, I have chosen to leave out worthless details. For instance, I recorded most of the days that I was required to stand duty. Unless they are part of a larger story, I wouldn’t dare bore the readers with such inane details.
Last, all names of real persons involved in these accounts have been changed to aliases in an effort to protect their identities. Some of the aliases are fabricated during composition while others are actual nicknames earned by our fellow seamen. (Don’t get cute with that. We’ve heard it ninety-seven million times and it’s old).
I hope you enjoy reading my stories as much as I suffered while living them…
(Author’s note: Read from the beginning… not from the most recent post. The narrative makes more sense if you read it in chronological order).