Holiday Stand Down was in full effect when I made my first calendar entry. My boat was moored at Ford Island–which is an island within the harbor of an island–very meta… But before I get into it, I should tell the story of how I came to know Emily.
A month or two earlier, I was hanging out with my buddies Romy and Montana. I think we had just come back to Seawolf Tower from playing golf and Montana called his girlfriend back home on the mainland. He went on to explain…
“My girlfriend is with her friend Emily. I think they’re drunk and Emily wants to see a picture of one of my ‘hot friends.’”
So we sent a picture of Romy and the girls quickly replied with, “Nope… try again.”
Bitches.
So logically, I was next. Montana snapped a picture of me on his cell and sent it. I think I was wearing a polo shirt and khaki cargo shorts. I didn’t think much else of it and said something to the effect of…
“Fuck this high school nonsense! Let’s go grab some booze and get fit-shaced…”
A little while later, Montana informed me that Emily thought I was hot and wanted to talk to me, wanted my phone number, and so on. She and I chatted frequently — almost every day after that, including a couple of drunken phone sex encounters. She was fun to talk to most of the time, wasn’t too overbearing and seemed kinda sweet.
She did have a young daughter, was only twenty and cute enough. She loved drama and was a bit immature, but who isn’t when they’re twenty. She was still carrying a bunch of baby weight, but she seemed like she’d be fun to hang out with… and had a very healthy libido.
My first journal entry on December 29, 2003: Met [Emily] for first time
Montana and I had gone to the airport to pick up his girlfriend and Emily. Before we left, we were both kinda nervous…
Montana (glaring at my face): “You didn’t even shave, dude?! Weak sauce…”
I scurried back to my barracks room and put a quick razor to my face and then we were on our way to the airport. When Emily and I first saw each other, I couldn’t stop smiling at her, and she couldn’t stop giggling. It felt like I was meeting back up with an old friend that I’d known for ages. We just clicked — everything felt right.
I took her to the beach in Waikiki – the one that you always see in TV shows and movies. It was a beautiful Hawaiian day and she was sitting on my lap and we were talking when we kissed for the first time. We didn’t want to waste anymore time and couldn’t wait to bump uglies. I didn’t have any rubbers so we decided to wait until the second night she was in town. Waiting and the buildup make it more fun when the time comes to screw anyways.
The sex was okay. She was disappointed in my lack of stamina and average penis size. Whatever – to hell with her… I got mine. She was wearing these things called booty shorts… awesome! It was something I’d never seen before and instantly became a fan. She did, however, make me say the “three little words” before we fucked though… not awesome.
NEW YEAR’S EVE 2003
January 1, 2004: Missed New Year’s Eve party cuz of duty, Girlfriend was in town, No sex for me
Needless to say I was more than irate when I found out that I had duty on New Year’s Eve. Emily was in town, all my friends were at Newt’s house for a party — which is where the meat of this story takes place. I heard all the details second-hand the next morning from Emily in our hotel-room bed. All I got was a phone call from her that night and she didn’t even talk to me, she was just bullshitting with everyone else at the party with the phone up to her ear, me on the other end of the line. Oh well… better than nothing right?
Apparently, that night, in a drunken tryst, Romy and Newt’s wife got caught in the upstairs bedroom fooling around. I’m not sure if it was Newt and his wife’s bed, or the spare room that they had up there. Either way, Newt caught wind that “some dude” and his wife went upstairs together. Let me preface this all by telling you that Newt’s wife was known by all to be a bit of a party girl — a bit of a floozy. So Newt goes upstairs and catches them making out, Romy’s pants are half off. Newt of course reacts;
“What the fuck are you doing!!!”
Romy jumps up, grabs his britches and tries to hightail it out of the room via the window. Apparently Newt was blocking the doorway or something. It was a totally fucked up night and I missed it all because I was babysitting a shut-down reactor plant.
That morning, Emily also recanted a story to me of what happened when she got back to the hotel room. At some point in the wee-hours of the New Year, some dude tried to force his way into our room. Emily, being the strong chick that she is, managed to fend him off and get the door shut. Poor girl. When I got home from duty that morning, I opened the door and I see her sitting on the bed with the covers pulled up to her neck, shaking like a leaf…
“Dude… You scared the fuck out of me!”
and then proceeded to tell me all about her whole night. I’m pretty sure I spent my whole night doing pointless maintenance to some heat-exchanger with Sequoia.
Duty sucks my taint…
LEAVING FORD ISLAND, SAYING GOODBYE TO EMILY, GOING UNDERWAY
It was the day before my birthday. We had to head over to West Loch for whatever it is Weapons Department does over there. It sucks because you just sit around without shore power, so you’re on watch or at the smoke pit bored out of your mind. It’s like being underway, but not quite yet. It’s a depressing six to eight hours before an underway, where you still get to see sunshine, enjoy the Hawaiian warmth, only to sadly realize that you won’t again for awhile.
Before we left, I said a tearful goodbye to Emily in the parking lot of the hotel. She wasn’t leaving until the next day sometime, so she turned around and walked back to the hotel while I got in my car with my seabag and drove over to Ford Island to meet up with the boat. We were going out for a Basic Submarining Assessment, which meant bullshit drills and cleaning. The highlight of my 24th birthday was taking a shower, which is all you look forward to on the boat some days.
A quick aside: most guys jerked off regularly on an underway, but I couldn’t get into it. Call me a romantic. I like to light a candle, put on my favorite porno, sit buck naked in my office chair and enjoy just a quantum of privacy. I didn’t enjoy rubbing one out, hiding in your rack with dudes sleeping all around you. The whole situation seemed totally unromantic…
When we got back after a failed BSA, I got so shitfaced I didn’t even show up to work the next day — which is a huge infraction in the Navy. They call it Unauthorized Absence or UA and is a mastable offense. Our division was so stacked and discombobulated that no one even noticed! We had a new Chief, who used to be an ELT. This was the first time he was assigned to oversee a Machinery Division, and he was green as baby shit.
The following Monday, he asked me…
“What time did you leave on Friday?”
Me: “I have no clue. I can’t remember.”
Chief: “Well, you weren’t here at 1500 for muster. You owe me two-for-one… that’s four hours extra duty!”
Me (Gladly): “Aye, Chief.”
I then thought to myself what a great bargain I had gotten. Skip a whole day of work, only owe Chief four hours!? Fuck yeah.
What a douche-canoe…
Negative Reactivity 
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