Entry for April 3, 2004: Some dude punched my car window
Chuck had the brilliant idea that night that we should all roll out to some random beer party. I had no clue who lived there but they had booze, kegs, a pool, hot-tub, a massive beer-bong …and Nugget. He told us via cellular telephone that there was a swarm of hot, drunk bitches and they all wanted to fuck some sailors. We all bought his bullshit and flocked to the house like moths to a fire.
Nugget knew some guy that lived at the house, because Nugget knew everybody. We didn’t stay long. We were still kind of in pre-gaming mode and really felt like going down to Waikiki that night to hit on some tourist cougars or something. Everyone at the party was poop-faced beyond our plateau and you all know how annoying drunk fuckers are when you’re still sober-ish.
Case in point: A guy from my division tried to pull his girlfriend back into the hot tub as she was trying to get out. She lost her balance, flew straight back and cracked her head on the tiled, concrete rim of the tub… hard! Like so hard, some girls were about to call an ambulance. It was that kind of party, so we were all bored with the drunk assholes and decided to leave.
When we got to my car — my white VW Jetta — I climbed into the driver’s seat, started it up and just as we were about to leave, I noticed that Chuck was pissing in their front bushes. Just then, one of the dudes that lived at the house came out front… with Nugget right behind him. The dude was wasted and started to berate Chuck for pissing in his bushes. Naturally, like a solid submariner, Chuck mouthed off a to the guy. Chuck then quickly realized that his comments had pissed the douche bag off and was about to get his ass kicked. He quickly jumped in the back seat of my car and slammed the door…
Chuck: “Step on it dude, this guy’s pissed!”
The drunk asshole proceeds to punch my back window… hard! It damn near shattered into a million pieces. I heard it crack and saw it bow in. After laughing my ass off, I thought it prudent to comment on the fact that my window did not in fact shatter.
Me: “Krauts! They sure know how to build ’em, eh?”
I slammed on the gas up a hill, hit the T-in-the-road, and busted a right to get the hell out of the housing development. Before I turned right at the T, I looked back through the rear-view and saw the drunk fuck-bag of a douche running up the hill after us!
Nugget was now standing in the road back by the house with a bunch of chicks that heard the commotion and had come out to see the show…
I heard secondhand from one of the chicks in Nugget’s harem the events that transpired after we were gone. Apparently drunken window-puncher, fuck-tooth came back down the hill, found his Louisville Slugger and confronted Nugget.
Fuck-tooth: “Hey, man! Were those your friends!?”
Fuck-tooth: “Well one of those fags pissed in my bushes. I should kick your fuckin’ ass!”
Nugget: “Okay dude, chill out, put the bat down and we’ll go in and have some beer.”
Fuck-tooth didn’t agree with the proposed plan of action, raised the bat Youkilis-style just as Nugget slammed him in the face with a left hook. Before dick-mouth even got near the strike zone, Nugget had knocked the bastard out cold, left him in the road and walked back into the party with his gaggle of fine-ass honeys in-tow…
Entry for April 20, 2004: Duty, No Reefer
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